A few Wednesday’s ago there was a public holiday in Ulaanbaatar due to the local elections. And because it was election day alchohol sales were prohibited for the day and the one after (!) foiling my plan to sink beers and go bowling.
We decided on a massage. And what a massage it was. Mongolian massage is the most thorough I’ve come across. I love getting a massage. I am a massage fiend. I will take a massage from anyone.I’ve had massages in Australia, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Malaysia, India, and now Mongolia. I buy them for other people as gifts with the completely unselfish hope of getting one in return.
Anyhow, I digress. The massage. She instructed me to strip totally and don a pair of disposable undies and a hair cap and lie face down on the table. So far so good.
She started at the shoulders, all pretty innocent. Quite hard but enjoyable nonetheless. Shoulders and back are my favourite because I’m hunched up at a desk all day and they get stiff and sore. Everyone loves a good shoulder rub right?
Next was the neck. Oh BOY that hurt, it hurt heaps, really painful. It was like she was like trying to get in under my skull, give my brain a good rub just to make sure she had covered all ground.
She then…. oh god…. she then…… pulled down my undies, and massaged my bum. My bum! I mean it felt good but is everyone else’s bum just fat like mine?
Then it was the thighs and calves and feet, tick and tick and tick.
Turn over to the front. A boob rub. Bare boob rub. A tummy fat jiggle…… Cringing quite a lot now.
Then back to the trusty thighs, calves and feet.
Up to the head. This was pretty awesome actually a lovely head massage.
Then a proper rough head scratch.
A back crack.
She even got inside my ears. You heard.
Inside.
My.
Ears.
So now me and the masseuse share some kind of very weird bond because that makes the amount of people that have had their fingers inside my ears a grand total of two. And I am #1. In fact the only way she could have been more thorough was if we had had intercourse right there on the table.
I’ve had hard massages in Thailand, where the masseuse pulled my whole body back and up by my arms (an assisted yoga pose apparently) while whispering “fly home” in my ear.
I’ve had a Thai massage in Australia which was so awesome. The best massage I’ve ever had. But I suspect it’s like butter chicken in Australia. Originally from the country but manipulated to suit the Australian palette.
And that one I had in India? I had an Aruveydic massage in India that was really gentle, and quite beautiful, using Ayurvedic oils to massage out the barnacles of tension and distress our bodies apparently pick up when moving through the sea of life. I have to shamefully admit I found it pretty hard to relax for the first half because I had followed this lady down an alleyway, by myself and into a little room when she left and told me to strip and lie on the table. I kept thinking this would be the perfect way to rob a lone dumb tourist. I’m not going to run out naked onto the street in India….. anyway I felt bad for thinking this because she was extremely professional in getting the barnacles.
Hampi, India – where I followed a woman down an alley in search of a massage
So what does the Mongolian style of massage say about the country? I guess you could say she’s no fuss, she’s sturdy and she’s thorough.
CintaCity 